This isnt a post to tell you how perfect my marriage is, and how I have it all together to make you feel like you dont. I wrote this in hopes to encourage you to Adore and Cling to Jesus no matter what kind of marriage you have or dont have. Aaron and I are going through a Book Called Real Marriage and it has been So Amazing for us in so many areas. We love this book because the authors get real about their own mistakes and failures. This gives every reader the liberty and freedom to acknowledge their own failures and areas in their lives that need growth. In doing that, your marriage gets stronger and life and happiness blossom causing more intimacy with the one YOU chose to love, cherish, and stand by until death.
I have wanted to write on marriage for a few months, but have hesitated as I have only been married 6 years and felt inadequate to write on the subject. I actually wrote a blog on it last week, and I waited to post it. I’m so glad I did because God showed me a lot on our night away and I ended up erasing most of what I wrote.
We all have expectations going into marriage. Some of them are appropriate while others are just not realistic. Most women wait to find the “perfect” man and they are disappointed in the first year of marriage when they realize they have married a flawed man. Men do the same. I went through a lot in my dating years and my mission was to find a man who wasn’t going to hurt me. Do you think I accomplished it? Don’t get me wrong, Aaron is a loving and kind and my best friend, but it didn’t take long for him to fail me and me to fail him.
This is what I do know in my humble experience of 6 years of marriage.
1. Forgiveness became a frequent act in our marriage and bitterness had to be consciously kept out for us to stay best friends.
2. A “good” Christian wife does not mean a compliant, quiet woman who never gives her opinion. But, it does mean a gentle woman who chooses her words wisely when she has to confront an issue that needs to be addressed. Sometimes it means not saying anything at all and using one of the most powerful tools to change a heart…prayer.
3. Feelings come and go. There are moments I am obsessed and in pure awe of Aaron, and to be honest, there are moments when we look at each other and I know we are both praying for the strength to “tolerate” one another. You choose to press on in those moments.
4. We are a team. The house does not run smoothly if we forget this and concentrate on what the other person is or isn’t contributing to: housework, kids, money, emotional support, etc.
There are times we have to remind each other verbally in humor that we are on the same team. This is vital in staying connected and not falling prey to self-pity.
5. It takes work to make time for each other, especially when you have children. Fatigue, business, and sometimes plain selfishness get in the way of our quality time together. Our closest moments aren’t hours of watching TV but usually the 15 minute catch up times in our bed at night, or on the couch when we share our hearts. Make time for those moments each day if possible.
6. The kids are a priority and demand constant care; however, most of our married years will be just us two. The sooner you realize this, the better for the long term of your marriage. One day those sweet faces will have their own lives and families and it will be just me and Aaron. Don’t wait until then to know your spouse.
Life is hard, marriage is hard too. Aaron and I really love each other and are committed to each other, yet it’s still a challenge to keep a good relationship. My heart aches for the people who have given up instead of working things out. I’m not Naïve and I know there are times when Divorce is the only option left. I grieve for that too.
Whether you are showing each other Christ’s love in unconditional love and support, or in a hard challenging time in your marriage, Jesus always looks more beautiful. This is because when we are showing unconditional love, we are showing our spouse Jesus.
I actually thanked Aaron for being human and having flaws this weekend because in his weakness (and my own) Jesus becomes more beautiful to me. If Aaron was the perfect guy I thought existed in my teens and early twenties, than God would be nothing more than just my creator. In our brokenness and failures, I am reminded that Jesus is full of beauty because he will NEVER fail me, hurt me, or act selfishly. My eyes will remain on Him. I will continue to surrender my emotions and heart back to Christ and in my surrender I find peace once again.
Ecclesiastes promises us that God Makes ALL things Beautiful in His time.
