I recently read a blog that a mom posted about what she had learned in her 7 years of parenting, so I decided to write my own. Take it or leave it, but I hope you are encouraged by at least one. I love Facebook, mainly because it makes me feel connected with old friends, and I get to keep Aarons midwest family updated on our lives. But, it has it negative effects as well. For example, everyone edits their photos and lives to look perfect. Its like we want the world to have this fa sad that we have it all together, our kids are perfect, we are successful, and life is just perfect. Dont get me wrong, there are the Debbie Downers who depress me by their continual negative thoughts and negativity. Honestly, I dont read those people's posts, but I do take a minute to pray for them. The other 98% of FB can depress us all in a different light. It gets us in the pit of comparing our wealth, jobs, kids. houses, and just about anything else. This can be dangerous. I found myself wondering why I dont post pictures of my kids with snot on their face? Or the ones where you cant see my eyes cause I smiled so big. I am thankful that I dont have poperazzi taking photos of my daily routine because it would expose my hectic days or failures. I realized that everyone else seems to do the same thing...only post perfect pictures of their lives. This is not a reality, but I will tell you what is a reality to me when it comes to parenting:
1.Know your limits! You are asking for a disaster if you force your kids to run errands at nap time, lunch time, or any other time of day you know they tend to have melt downs. This may give you only a small window everyday so prioritize and do what you can. The rest can get done tomorrow. Nothing gets done when you push your kids past what they can handle. This will cause you to lose your temper or humiliate you both in public. Remember: There is no shame in leaving if things get crazy (this includes grocery shopping, parks, and even play dates.)
2.Plan ahead: Those few extra minutes it takes to pack a change of clothes, grab toys, books, or DVD’s for entertainment, snacks, ect… are so worth the minutes of sanity you will be saving yourself. Try to think ahead to what future catastrophe’s could come in your way if don’t have the proper essentials to carry out the day. You wouldn't leave for work without your lap top or iPad right?
3.Parenting has fads! The sooner you realize this the better off you are. Parenting styles of discipline, health, and education change drastically from year to year. If you follow each trend, you will send you and your family on a unstable, confusing, and frustrating roller coaster. I'm not saying you cant change your parenting, sometimes this is essential. I have learned a lot by watching other moms, so be open just not easily swayed. Trust Gods word, and find good parenting tools from books that don’t have a “HOW TO GET GREAT KIDS” recipe. Those doesn’t work, and it will leave you feeling more of a failure after trying those methods. A book that really helped me was “Give them Grace” by Elise Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson.
4. Celebrate each child’s differences. Don’t hold any expectations with one child to the next. God created them uniquely different…celebrate that! For the challenging personalities, ask God daily to give you his grace and patience for them, and most importantly how to mentor that strong personality into an incredible strength in their life. Life would be boring if they all were the model child. Take joy in the different aspects that make them who they are, but please don’t be afraid to discipline them. The book of Proverbs was written by the wisest man who ever lived…Solomon. It says that a parent who hates his child does not discipline him. Need I say more?
5. There is always something that needs to be taken care of: Laundry, dishes clean up, discipline, play dates, Dr. Apt.’s are never ending, and yes fun time! The flu does not take Christmas or birthdays off…learn to be flexible with what you have planned and always have a Plan B, C, & D. Don’t get caught up in the business of life. Take time to read to your kids, explain things in more than one sentence, look them in the eyes, and just sit and watch them play and interact. Breathe!
6.Time management is key. Don't be afraid you wont get everything done today…you probably wont but that’s OK! Accept that. If you do happen to get it all done…bonus! Strategize the most imperative things for the day to get done first, and then add to it things you would like to get done if you can. Don't be held captive by the expectations of others. This will prevent frustration when your 2 year old poops their pants or dumps the gallon of milk on the carpet right as you are about to leave house. If we are honest, we get frustrated because of expectations of ourselves or others. Let it go! Choose peace over anger or frustrations.
7.Actions really do speak louder than words. Even my two year old watches, takes notes, and delivers what she see’s. It’s a humbling but good reminder to think before you speak, act, or scold. Yes, this applies to the way your deal with your husband or friends too. I am not perfect at this by any means but I am constantly reminding myself this when my temper starts to rise against another person, driver, or family member. You will fail, repent, and move on. No parent models 100% of the time what they want their children to be. Jesus is the only one who has ever and will ever do this perfectly. Doesnt that give you a relief?! It sure does for me!
8. Which brings me to this hard but so important one: APOLOGIZE Often! My kids know when I blow it. They are a whole lot smarter than we think, and they really do pay attention to what I do & say. They need to know that repentance is an everyday thing, so that they will grow up to be humble adults. Also, they need to know that your love for them is unconditional and it models perfectly how God loves us. Don’t expect from them what you cant deliver. I mess up way more than they do at age 33.
10. Let your kids see you serve. The times I have taken the initiative and the extra minute to help an elderly woman at the store, pray with a friend, or talk to a homeless person and offer them lunch, speaks volumes to them. Justus still talks about the time years ago when I put my favorite blanket on a homeless man on a dark, cold, and rainy night. My mom modeled this to me, and it came natural to do it as an adult. I don’t tell this to you to brag, the sad thing is that was 7 years ago and I haven’t done it since. Look for opportunities to love others the way Christ loves us in front of your children.
11. Its OK to say no, later, not now. This rule applies to people in our life as well as our children. Obligations are part of life, but don’t ever get in a habit of letting your family suffer because you said Yes to everything that week. I know we want to give our children the world, but saying yes to them all of the time is not a reality of how life is, nor does it do anything but produce selfish adults who can’t accept life’s No’s in the future.
12. I have been a working mom and a stay at home mom. Both are hard and both have their own stresses & challenges. I choose to be an at home because they are small for just a short time, and then they are gone at school. I have plenty of years ahead of me to work. Being a full time mom can often bring feelings of failure, or that I am going to “mess them up” somehow. Aaron and I often joke about what therapy our kids are going to have to endure in their adult years because of our failures. In all seriousness, by God’s grace, in our weaknesses they will survive. Yet, that doesn’t mean I give into my weaknesses….I press on! My most successful days as mom have started with this prayer, “God, help me today to have love, patience, and wisdom in dealing with my family.”
13. The last but most important one is that I don’t know it all, nor do I have parenting figured out. The longer I have been a mom, the more I realize how much I need to grow and learn. My kids are constantly changing and growing in a way that keeps me on my toes. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I have learned to put my pride aside to ask for tips, prayer, or ideas with many things. I weed out the bad, and celebrate the good for there are always people willing to give advice.
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