Christmas is over and we have all moved onto our New Years resolutions and goals, but this is a story that should live in our hearts all year long. Its Grace in its purest and most tangable form.
To be honest, I was feeling numb to the whole Christmas story, and I desperately wanted to feel God. Truth was, I wasnt feeling very "Christian".
 I go to a wonderful church and I am blessed with many godly people around me, yet I just wasnt feeling it.
I was feeling gulity for my apathy to what is suppose to be the greatest story to every Christian.
I was sitting at church this Christmas not expecting the Lord to show up but He did.
I left with tears in my eyes and a joyful heart, the Christmas story had come alive to me in a new way after 33 years.

I began watching this video clip of Mary finding out that she was to give birth to the son of God. Just think about that for a moment...

 I never really thought about how she felt claiming to be a pregnant "virgin". I can only imagine what scorn and rumors she endured to fulfill this God ordained task.
I was instantly taken back into my own story 14 years ago.
I don't think about it often, its in the past and forgotten.
I remember walking around just like Mary probably did. I could feel the stares and glares against me like a black cape. I could see the eyes shift up and down my growing belly, and I could hear the silent harsh words that echoed all around me from those I called friends.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out! I felt like everyone around me yelled, "Unclean! Unclean!" every time I went by.
The church I grew up in was the last place on earth I felt loved and accepted. Its a sad, harsh but true reality.
 I felt as though the world had slapped a Scarlet Red letter on my chest, and I would wear it forever.
To think that Mary felt this too: betrayed, alone, and humiliated.

 The difference between her and I was she was guiltless and I was guilty.
No excuses, it was the truth.
The difference between my accusers and God was that he accepted me anyway and loved me still.
All Mary knew was that God was on her side and He would be faithful. She clung to that, breathed that, and counted on that every day as she took each step with her head toward the ground. As I endured a similar yet justified sentence, I clung for dear life to the promise in The Bible that says God is Faithful even when we are faithless, For He cannot deny who he is.
Whenever I talk about that time in my life it brings an instant lump in my throat and tears in my heart. It is not because I live in that shame anymore, I dont. I know I am forgiven and I live in that Grace.
Talking about that part of my life brings an instant reminder to me of who Jesus is, and who He is to me. Tears.

He is Beautuful, peaceful, forgiving, loving, and gracious in every way. He looked my accusers in the eyes and then gentely looked at me and said, Woman where are your accusers, go and sin no more!
A good friend of mine gentley reminds me of this verse. Romans 14:4 "Who are you to pass judgement on a servant of another? It is before his own Master that he stands or falls."
What a honor yet huge responsibility to be accountable to the Maker of the Universe.
I encourage you to let God into those dark parts of your life. He will forgive, heal, and restore you as he continually does for me..
God loves you, adores you, thinks of you often, and WILL be faithful to you even though you have been faithless.

Here is the short clip I watched that provoked my heart to speak.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74dCYPluQ2g