He Loves Me Still

It's no secret, I love to write. I also love to journal because it is unedited and raw and purely me. I decided to share my entry tonight, but this will be a rare thing. I’m thinking there might be others who share the same struggle. I pray this will encourage you, and cause you to cling to Jesus:

My heart and my soul, I give you control. I need you; I want to love you from the inside out, yet I don’t.

I have so many pulls in different directions and in the eye of it all that spins around me is this desire to be perfect, to never fail. I aspire to be the perfect woman.  I fail miserably.

Yes, I admit, I want to look perfect, respond to people perfect, love Jesus perfect, and be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I desire man’s approval. There I said it, it was hard yet as I did this tremendous weight lifted off of me like Christians bag in Pilgrims progress.

I confess I need Jesus to save me from me. I can’t possibly be perfect and I am tired of feeling horrible about myself when I am not. I want to be set free from that burden. I can’t possibly be perfect in every area, and if I am honest with myself, I am not perfect in any area most days.

I cant help but wonder why He loves me?! One of the many things that draw me to Aaron is that he is many times the closest thing I have to Christ on earth. He knows my flaws, yet he loves me still. I know Aaron will fail me as I do him, but God never fails me.

The song How he Loves Us swirls around in my head. I am reminded of the first moment I saw my son and two daughters. Their beauty captivated me, and I was in love forever. They have all sinned against each other and me countless times, but I still adore them. It’s in those moments I am able to grasp that Jesus Insanely loves me like I love my children. My love for them does not diminish in their failures. There is nothing they can do to change my heart towards them…nothing.

He loves you, adores you, disciplines you, desires you, and thinks of you more than you can comprehend.

Matthew 7:9-11

“Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him stone? Or if he asks you for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him?”